i can see him

Part #2...

Having a c-section feels odd. It doesn't hurt, there's just lots of pressure. I could definitely feel them pulling, but it didn't hurt. Brad, LOL, was a nervous-wreck. He was rubbing my head at like a hundred miles a minute. I'm sure I would be too. Brad did great. He told me everything that was happening. When they pulled B out, Brad told me he looked great. When I saw B for the first time, he looked perfect. I wanted to hold him so badly. He cried the whole time and it was music to my ears! While they were stitching me up I got really sick and even demanded that I sit up. LOL, the nurses were like, "Honey, you can't sit up. You are kind of cut in half right now." I told them I needed to throw up. I will say that it is really difficult to throw up while you're laying flat. I thought I was going to choke to death.

In recovery, my mom came in and told me that he was healthy. I was so glad but I felt terrible. My head was pounding and I was really sore and sick to my stomach. When I finally got admitted to my room they brought B in. It was so sweet to hold him that first time. We didn't get a picture because I felt so terrible. Holding him was incredible. I just looked him over and over again. Counting and kissing his little fingers. It was the most special moment in my life. I couldn't wait to take him home and take care of him.

Over the next few days we had lots of visitors. We loved having people come up and meet our son. Everyone was so sweet. My blood pressure remained high but not in the "danger zone." However, I continued to feel terrible. I was very pale, sore and tired. I had a constant headache. We consulted with anesthesia three times over my constant headache. They said it was probably just my muscles being tight from labor. I stayed an extra night since I felt so bad. We brought Brennan home on Saturday evening. We had a good first night. Brad got up with us as I tried breastfeeding (I did it some in the hospital). Sunday morning, Brad had to take B to the doc because he was jaundice. His mom went while my mom stayed with me. By Sunday afternoon my head was hurting so badly that I wanted to vomit. I couldn't take the pressure that was in my shoulders, neck, and head. My blood pressure was through the roof so back to the hospital we went.

We talked to someone else from anesthesia and he offered to do a blood patch. He thinks that when I had my epidural, the anesthesiologist tore my Dura (a layer in my spine) which caused me to leak spinal fluid. I cannot tell you the wonderful, most awesome relief I got after he did the blood patch. The pain in my head, neck, and shoulders went away. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE! Now, my back was sore but it was nothing compared to my headache. I had to stay an hour before I could leave. I was so ready to go home and see my little pudding pie. After about 30 minutes the nurse came back in and said they needed to admit me for the evening because my bp was way too high. I was shocked and so sad. I finally felt a little better and wanted to go home! We were at a crossroads as to what to do. Brad's parents were watching B at home but they were leaving to go to a funeral in the morning. We made a plan for Brad's aunt to come and stay with B and B while my mom stayed with me at the hospital. Brennan had to go back to the doc because he had dropped so much in his weight. They gave me a higher dose of bp and it started dropping so they let me come home early! PTL that I didn't have to stay the night! Brad's aunt stayed and took care of B during the night. I was so sore and exhausted. I had to give up on breastfeeding because I was too sick.

Tuesday I went to see my doc about my bp. When they tested it they said it was too high and I was being admitted back to the hospital, I lost it. LOST IT. I started crying right there in the doctor's office, I cried the whole way to the hospital and I cried the whole time I was there. It didn't help my bp at all. I couldn't help it. I felt terrible and all I wanted was to be able to be healthy and take care of my baby. After several hours, they decided to double my bp meds and sent me home. My blood work came back suggesting that I was low in red blood cells and hemoglobins which was the huge reason for being so pale and weak (I lost a lot of blood during surgery). He gave me some iron pills. I was so thankful to be able to go home but I was still wishing I wasn't so tired and weak. It took several more days and lots of help from family to get over this hurdle. We continued to have people stay with us to help. It took almost two weeks to get over all that. I am still sore from my c-section but each day is better and I have lots more energy. I am still on bp meds and might be for a while. The docs think it was probably my body in shock from everything. It is under control with the meds. I check it twice a day now.

So yes, those two weeks were terrible. They were hard, they were probably the worst weeks ever. I have never felt so crappy in my entire life. But I would go through it over and over and over again. I would relive those moments again if it meant I could have Brennan. He makes it so worth. Those weeks make me appreciate everything I have. My family, my friends, my church family, my son, my husband, and my God. I could not have done it without any of them.

Here are a few pics...